you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
