I feel great
I just peed on a car
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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