eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
