She's JV to your varsity
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
