if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
