That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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