I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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