In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
