Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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