Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So much rum. So many feels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
