I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
