Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
