Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
