Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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