Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
