why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
