Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
