your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
