made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
