The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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