Quick, to the slutcave!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
