East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize