remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
