Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
