He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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