So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
