pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
