Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
