A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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