You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
