I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
