i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
