I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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