The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
