Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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