I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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