she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
