why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
