Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
