you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
