Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
