Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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