I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
