so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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