I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
