dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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