Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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