Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I only lived at night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
im on a boat
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