White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
