Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize