Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
