I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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