Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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