Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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