he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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