Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
