A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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