i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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