i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize