he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
