I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
