Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
