i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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