he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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