and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
