I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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